Recalculating...

Do you have an annoying GPS that talks to you?  You hear that woman (or man's) voice after you drive past the turn you should have taken calling out to you "Recalculating..." and then they suggest a U-turn or a redirection.  This is where I am in my life.  Chaos has taken over and swung me quickly down the road in a direction I never wished to go.

At the beginning of this year, I was sure that I would get to work hard to make life a little more simple, a little more manageable.  Apparently, that was wishful thinking...

It has been non-stop crisis after crisis, chaotic event after chaotic event since then.

I am definitely not going to chronicle all of those events here, but I am writing to say, "hello!" and that I miss writing. I cannot believe it has been seven months since I have posted!  Writing is always so cathartic for me and I have truly missed it lately.

As I have read over some of my previous posts, a list from this post stood out to me...

My list of changes to make in 2014.
1. Return to pumping and quit using formula (as much as possible) for the twins for the times I am not around or they need a supplement.
2. Get serious about saving money for a down payment on a new house. 
3. Take time to unplug from the TV and the computer more often.
4. Make our home organized and presentable.  (Clear out the clutter that has accumulated from being pregnant and adjusting in life and finally get good- or at least better- at cleaning and tidying.)
5. Make myself organized and presentable. (Return to making lists, wearing make-up at least occasionally, wearing real clothes rather than house clothes, etc)
6. SLEEP MORE and choose health over convenience.
7. Take time for God, service to others and fellowship with my church community.
8. Spend more time with Christian.
9. Get out of the house!! Both alone and with the whole family. 
10. Find more ways to stay positive and relaxed.
11. Let go of mommy guilt!
12. Prioritize items of importance on my to-do list, not just the urgent ones.

I quite literally don't know that I have achieved or even had a chance to focus on even one of these goals this year so far.

The first item on the list can be crossed off as I was forced to quit nursing this summer when I had to take antibiotics that I could not take while breastfeeding.  The rest of the items I have not even thought about.  It has been a difficult year.

If I look closely though, I think I can boil those 12 items into three main areas that I want to really improve upon. 

1.Take Good Care of Myself

2.Be Mindful in the little things

3.Prioritize Faith, Family, Work and let the rest go...

Maybe I can start simplifying my life by simplifying the goals I have for myself. :-)

Have you taken time to evaluate your life lately?  To refocus your energy and heart on the things that are worth your attention?  Have you kept any New Years Resolutions?  Had some that didn't work out?  Feel free to share here!

In His Grace,

Rachel 

A New Year's Post: Looking Forward to 2014!

This post is difficult for me to write since the last year of life (or more) has been truly about surviving.  When I take time to assess my life over the last year, there are a lot of wonderful memories as far as life events goes... the twins being born, my grandparents' 80th birthday bash, Peanut's amazing progress in the last month, Melody growing and beginning preschool and dance, seeing my family SO much in comparison to other years, seeing how much people care about our family by how they have helped us this year and so much more!

However, there is a part of me that has definitely grown tired of the surviving aspect of the last year. 

At the end of the twins pregnancy it was difficult just to walk!  Then I recovered from a c-section, Peanut started having surgeries, Melody started school and dance and I jumped back into a part time job.  Fast forward to today and I have grown weary of nights without sleep, days without showers, months without wearing make up and a full year of feeling like making it through the day is an admirable goal.

It is time.

2014 is when I get my life back.  When I start living my priorities again.  I know there will still be days where the goal is just to survive, but I simply cannot live that way as the rule anymore.

I don't plan to change this by sheer determination (though that will be a part of it).  I sincerely am prayerful that God will carry me through this year and mold me into a better ME than I currently am.  I know I don't have any reason to feel guilty about where I am- in fact, there is probably good reason for me to think it could take MANY years to return to feeling some kind of normal under the circumstances.  But something in me is yearning to regain my lost dignity a bit, and I long not to feel defined by the needs of the current moment constantly.  Changing this will take time and effort, but as I said before- this is the time.

So without further adieu- in no particular order:

My list of changes to make in 2014.

1. Return to pumping and quit using formula (as much as possible) for the twins for the times I am not around or they need a supplement.
2. Get serious about saving money for a down payment on a new house. 
3. Take time to unplug from the TV and the computer more often.
4. Make our home organized and presentable.  (Clear out the clutter that has accumulated from being pregnant and adjusting in life and finally get good- or at least better- at cleaning and tidying.)
5. Make myself organized and presentable. (Return to making lists, wearing make-up at least occasionally, wearing real clothes rather than house clothes, etc)
6. SLEEP MORE and choose health over convenience.
7. Take time for God, service to others and fellowship with my church community.
8. Spend more time with Christian.
9. Get out of the house!! Both alone and with the whole family. 
10. Find more ways to stay positive and relaxed.
11. Let go of mommy guilt!
12. Prioritize items of importance on my to-do list, not just the urgent ones.

Unlike typical New Year Resolutions, I know that this is a list that will take time to tackle.  It would be ridiculous to attempt to change all of these things about my life at once!  Yet, at the end of next year, I hope to have made significant progress in many or all of these areas.  After all, when I look back at my life this time last year, we have come a long way! 

So tell me, what changes do you plan to make this year?

Wishing you the happiest of years in 2014!

Love, Rachel

Crazy over Christmas

You can go ahead and hate me... I am one of those people this year.

Halloween is tomorrow and I am already ready for Christmas! (Emotionally ready, not prepared ready, ha!)

Having kids makes the holidays so much fun.  Melody is old enough to begin some real traditions with her and I am excited to incorporate the twins into a few of the traditions we already have.

Also I am actually looking forward to cooking for Thanksgiving.  The beauty of having Thanksgiving at your own house is that you get to be in charge of the menu.  This will come in handy since we have some food sensitivities to work around (Melody- no peanuts, no white flour, Me- no dairy, Criag- no bananas).

BUT crazy as it may seem, I (currently) feel UP to the challenge!  From somewhere deep inside of me the energy and enthusiasm is welling up to make a yummy Thanksgiving dinner and work around all of our food challenges.

If I can wrangle my time well, maybe I can get a few things posted this year about our menu and our holiday traditions- but no promises.  (Just being honest. :) )

Okay... off to be sure Melody's Halloween costume is ready for tomorrow!


In His Grace,
Rachel

Make a Plan

Week-end chit-chat
How was your week-end? My highlights have been treating myself to a ten-minute facial mask in the shower on Saturday, getting my nails done (a $5 box of fake nails from Wal-Mart = all I can afford) and taking the time to shave my legs. (Is that a treat for anyone else?) We also had our first snow this week-end! Lots and lots of it!

Such a restful week-end has left me recharged and rejuvenated to tackle some new things that I can't wait to share with you this week. So, without further adieu...

The real post
After saying good-bye to our foster son a week and a half ago, it feels like our life has changed enormously. In all reality, it has morphed back into what it used to be... but it feels different.

One thing I really enjoyed during those 7 weeks, and even the months of preparation leading up to his arrival, was how focused we were on a specific reason for living. Each day was planned out and had purpose with specific goals, all the way down to when and how I cleaned and the types of words I used to describe certain things. If it wasn't planned that way, then we achieved so much less in our relationship with our foster son and in dealing with his specific needs. Without that plan, all hell was very likely to break loose on any given day.

The pressure in that situation was not something I enjoyed, but since he has gone, I have sincerely missed the ability to have such a great focus- such a specific plan. The type of plan where you never even wonder if you should be deviating from it. You just know that you have to keep marching forward without looking to the right or left, without looking backward.

Now that he is gone and life is no longer a daily crisis, it is much harder to stay motivated toward a goal each day. My husband and I know that our purpose is to give God glory in all things. We know that part of our plan is to have a family life that honors God in how we are married and how we raise our daughter, but that idea is still rather open ended. Wanting to give God glory doesn't exactly tell you what to do when you get out of bed on Monday morning, you know what I mean? This is especially difficult if you are like me and are very externally motivated.

In the last couple of weeks, "you have to make a plan" is a theme I keep bumping into in the voices of people around me and through the blogs I'm reading. In my heart, I feel like Someone is trying to tell me something... So last week my wonderful hubby allowed me some soul searching time to go to Barnes and Noble while he took care of the little one. While drinking coffee and doodling in a notebook, I tried to wrap my head around some things in life that I felt needed a more specific plan.

Here is what I came up with...

• Grocery Shopping- Doing this on Monday mornings (like I described here) has been working out really well. I'm going to continue making this a regular thing.
• Detail Cleaning- As I mentioned before, finding time to do what Fly Lady would call a "weekly home blessing" (bathroom cleaning, mopping, vacuuming, etc) has been difficult for me- especially since I really don't like doing it! While our foster son lived with us we had someone come do these things once a week while I grocery shopped which was amazing, but she is no longer able to help us and we are not really able to pay anyone anymore. I know I should try to do this in small little time pieces throughout the week, but if I don't do it all at once every week, it will honestly never get done. So I have come up with this solution. Mondays after Christian gets home from work is going to be Daddy-Daughter time so I can clean without the Melody underfoot. I'm not sure why I never thought of Christian watching Melody so I can get this done before, but I'm glad I have now!
  
• Date Night- Monday's watching The Voice... this may not seem exciting to you, but it is our idea of an extremely good time!
  
• Writing & Blog Time - I am giving myself permission to pursue writing more. I will be able to do this during Melody's naps and during the evenings we don't have other things scheduled (usually twice a week ish). This includes once a week planning time to help me stay focused on what topics I will be writing about and when I will be working on them.
  
• Have a Regular Bed Time (about 10pm)- I am so bad at implementing this (as evidenced by the fact that I am working on this post at 2 am), but need this structure so much. Getting enough sleep is something I really need to be doing for myself. Going to bed a little earlier will give me time to read and wind down before bed which helps me fall asleep more easily.
• Use my monthly planner- I love using a monthly planner even more than a weekly planner. Writing things down in it makes me more aware of what is going on in my life, when things need to be done and keeps me from getting over scheduled/committed.
  

I know from the surface these plans may seem arbitrary, but these simple things are what make up my life: loving my husband, caring for my family and my home (i.e. cleaning), using my creative talents and taking care of myself. When these things don't function well, I don't feel any good at being me. Just knowing I have guidelines in place for taking care of some of the more important aspects of my life allows me to feel peaceful... no, scrath that... Having guidelines makes me feel Peaceful -with a capital P- as in I am aligned with God's plan for my life. Having the basic things down gives me enough room for margin that when unexpected things are thrown our way, maybe we can, with His help, catch them gracefully. Being in that kind of state is a gift that not every family gets, but as long as we can that is the kind of place I want to strive to stay in as a family. Content in the day to day, with room to handle the unexpected.

Happy Monday everyone!