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Monday, November 11, 2013

Eczema and Mommy Angst Part 2

Here is Part 1 of this post- be sure to read there first.  Full Disclosure: There is more talk of baby poop here.  If you'd rather not read about that, feel free to skip this post also!

Round of Antibiotics for Craig #2

Craig seemed better.  He slept better. His poop was thicker a few times. Things were looking up.

Then yesterday the diarrhea came back.  I checked his temperature and it was back to 100.

Did he catch strep throat again?

Is his eczema infected again?

How do I figure this out?

Obviously, we will be making another trip to the doctor this week.  But I just can't help but wonder what is going on?

Why does he even have eczema?  What will make it better?  Will I be able to help him figure this out?  I want SO BADLY to figure out the why's and the hows of this eczema thing, so that by the time he is old enough to talk about it, I have answers for him and a list of things that help or heal him.  With my asthma, my mom and modern medicine were always able to put me back to normal, even after a really difficult time.  I am so worried that the solution won't be so easy for Craig.  (The same feeling tortured me when Peanut wheezed for two months last year in spite of intervention.) I feel constantly plagued that maybe he is not healthy.  Maybe he is sick.  He is my "fussy" baby.  He comfort nurses until he can't comfort nurse anymore.  A lot of times he needs me with him to fall asleep.  Is he just sensitive and attached or is he trying to tell me that something is not right with him?  In the meantime, we are also missing vaccinations since you can't get them when you are sick and running a fever.

Mostly we are good... I usually can't even tell anything is wrong with Craig at all unless I take his temperature or change a (liquid) poopy diaper.  He plays and laughs and snuggles and is pulling up to stand and trying to cruise around the furniture.  This is a strong but sensitive kid (every woman's dream... I will have to watch out one day!) and a toy stealer.  He is over 20 lbs and in the 90th percentile for height and weight!  I absolutely love this sweet boy.  I am just a little crazy over this eczema thing.  Like I said before... I want to be able to fix it for him.  I want to make it go away.  Just like my mom did for me.

My little Craig-y.

Does this mommy angst ever subside?  I know I get it honestly.  My mom could teach a class about how to worry about your kids.  I used to laugh at my mom and her worrying ways. But now I understand them.   I am becoming my mother in a lot of ways.  Yet even as I write this, I am remembering my mom's words of comfort- to lean on God and trust him to provide and care for us.  My mom was successful because her source of healing came from the Ultimate Healer. It didn't come from her (as much as I would like to think it did).  It came from God.  He was in my mother's touch and my mother's decision making ability.  And He can provide that for me too.

So, Lord, hear my plea. Give me wisdom. Give me your healing touch for my children. Give me a heart that leans on you in hard times, so one day when Craig is lamenting that he can't fix something for his own children, he will remember that You were there for him when he was a child, so you will be there for his own child.  Help me trust you more- even in adversity- in infections that don't seem to want to go away and eczema that is painful and not healing (yet).

And mom... if you are reading this, thank you for always taking care of me when I was sick.  Thank you for leaning on God to provide for us and teaching me that He is faithful.

And to you dear friend or reader, if you have made it through all of this personalsw4 processing, thank you for sticking with me.  Your support is welcomed and appreciated. But please... no horror stories of eczema or illnesses in the comments... and prayers welcome. :)

In His Grace,

UPDATE: After writing this post, Craig's fever went down to 99.2 and then the next night was down to 98.8.   He also had some thicker poo's! So whatever was ailing him, I am pretty sure it is on it's way out.  I am one relieved and thankful momma!

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